


Freak

by tmntstyle



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 20:43:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3543143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmntstyle/pseuds/tmntstyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey deals with what Chris Bradford tells him after his capture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freak

After the ordeal with Chris Bradford, Michelangelo sat on his bed staring at the cardboard cutout he had of his idol. How could a man like him have fooled Mikey into trusting him? And why did it hurt so bad, knowing it was all a ruse?

Mikey sat there and thought through what had happened when Bradford and Xever had tied him up.

\-- Mikey was hog-tied in the corner of Bradford’s dojo looking up at Chris and Xever. They sneered at him as the shock of the truth still ricocheted around Mikey’s mind. It still didn’t seem real.

“I thought you were my friend. I introduced you to all my toes.” Mikey strained against the rope that bound him.

Bradford chuckled coldly. “You actually thought someone like me could be friends with a freak like you? Pathetic.” --

Freak. Pathetic. Those words pierced into Mikey’s soul and echoed in his mind from then on. Even Raph’s encouragement couldn’t quell the rising self-loathing Mikey felt.

“I’m nothing but a freak. A pathetic little freak that can’t do anything right. Why didn’t I see through Bradford’s facade?”

Hot tears began to pour down Mikey’s freckled face and he fiercely wiped them away. He couldn’t stop it and that made it worse, making him feel even more pathetic for crying like a baby.

“S-Some ninja I am. Can’t even h-hide my tears. Wh-Why me?” Mikey held his legs up to his plastron and cried into his eyes, wallowing in his mild depression. No one, not even Master Splinter, knew just how much Mikey despised himself and wanted it all to end.

That’s why he had so easily befriended Bradford. Mikey desperately wanted a friend that wasn’t his brothers or April that he latched onto the first opportunity thrown at him; Chris Bradford.

When that turned sour, Mikey truly felt as if he wasn’t good enough to have any real friends that didn’t want him dead or just saw him as an annoying little brother.

Mikey could hear his brothers playing out in the living room and longed to join them, but refrained as he thought of their reaction if he tried. Leo would definitely lecture about immaturity. Donnie would mention something about breaking a bone. Raph would probably hit him in the head.

No, Mikey would not go out there and play. Not ever again. A glint caught his eye and he turned to see his kusarigama blade hadn’t retracted when he put it away. the blade gleamed under his lamp and he reached out to grab it.

How would it feel to have the tip tear a gash into his arm? The concept usually frightened the young mutant but he couldn’t bring himself to pull back as his fingers wrapped around the chain.

The familiar feel of the cold chain in his hands calmed him as he raised the blade and looked at his reflection in the clean metal. Blue eyes and freckles greeted him and he hissed in disgust.

Mikey turned his gaze away from his reflection and lightly set the blade to his wrist. It stung like a bee sting but it didn’t seem like enough. Gritting his teeth, Mikey drew the blade down his arm. Dark crimson bubbled up and over his wrist, registering a hysterical giggle.

Oh it felt wonderful! The pain ate away his sadness and gave him a sense of freedom. Feeling his adrenaline spike, Mikey drew another line down his arm and grinned at the red that appeared. “Hehehehe. It’s so pretty.”

Just as Mikey was about to move to his other wrist, he heard a knock at the door. Instantly the happiness evaporated and the depression cloud hovered over him again.

Raph’s voice boomed on the other end. “Yo, Mikey! Wanna come play with us?”

Mikey froze in place, shocked to have been asked to play and to not be able to go out looking the way he did.

When Raph didn’t receive an answer, he busted the door down and stepped inside. “The least you could do is at least say yes or no.”

Raph paused, taking in the sight of Mikey’s bleeding wrist and the blade in his hand. Instinctively, he darted forward and smacked the blade away from Mikey with wild eyes. “Are you insane?! What’s gotten into you, lately?”

Mikey didn’t know what to say as he stared at the gashes on his arm, only thinking of how it glowed in the lamplight. Raph pulled Mikey to his feet and practically dragged him to the bathroom.

“Honestly, Mikey, you’ve got to take better care of yourself. Oh, and you’re a terrible liar. I can see through that fake smile of yours so cut the act before you piss me off.”

The water in the shower turned on and Mikey barely registered the fact his gear and mask had been removed. Only when he felt hot water falling over down over him did Mikey snap out of his daze and check his surroundings.

“What am I doing in the shower?” Mikey looked down, blushing when he noticed he wore nothing.

Raph stepped in, also wearing nothing. “You are going to rinse off those cuts and talk to me about what’s going through your head. Got it, Mike?”

Mikey stared at his wrists and cringed when Raph touched them. “I’m going to help whether you like it or not.” Raph began to gently wash each cut and rinse them thoroughly while staying silent, allowing Mikey to feel the pain disappear.

“Wh-Why are you helping me?” Mikey’s whisper stunned Raph out of his concentration and he turned his gaze up to the pained baby blues.

“What do you mean? You’re my bro and I’m worried about you. You haven’t been the same since the Chris Bradford incident and I am curious as to why.” Raph squeezed Mikey’s small hands in his large ones, begging for an answer.

It pained Mikey to see the desperation in Raph’s eyes, realizing it was because of him. Once again he caused someone he loved to be upset. 

When he spoke, it was even quieter than the first time. “I-I’m pathetic.” 

Raph lifted Mikey’s chin and looked him dead in the eyes. “No, you are not. Why would you even consider thinking that?”

Mikey winced and tried to look away but was caught in the older turtle’s intense gaze. “I just am...I’m a pathetic freak. My only friend said so. He l-lied to me.” Mikey squeaked as his voice cracked.

“Mikey...Bradford doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You just told me that he lied to you so why believe him now?” Raph gently rubbed the tops of Mikey’s hands with his thumbs as a form of reassurance.

“Raph we’re all freaks! And I’m the pathetic little brother that no one wants to be around! I always have been and you know it!” Mikey’s shout echoed in the shower and caused him to cower back in the corner out of Raph’s reach.

“You’ve always said that I’m so annoying and that everyone would be better off without me so don’t say that it isn’t true when you believe it yourself.” Having used up what was left of his adrenaline boost, Mikey slumped against the wall and tried to catch his breath.

Allowing those words to sink in, Raph let out a sigh and stepped closer to his frantic sibling. “I’m sorry, Mike. I know I’ve said that many times but I never meant it. Those times that I got frustrated weren’t because of your childish antics, it was because of the stress I went through earlier in the day and needed someway to let it out. You’re always there when it happens and I can’t help but lash out at you when you really haven’t done anything wrong. If that’s why you feel this way, then I am truly sorry.”

Mikey looked up at Raph - who was gazing at the shower floor - and gulped down the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. When he saw the vulnerable state Raph was in, he was finally able to see how selfish he was to exact those accusations toward him when he was also to blame.

Tentatively, Mikey reached out and cupped Raph’s face, bringing his eyes up to his level. “R-Raph, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just thought you meant it when it wasn’t because of me in the first place. I just want to be accepted as an equal and not seen as the pathetic weakling I thought I was.”

“But that’s just it, Mikey. You’re not pathetic and I’m grateful to always have you there when I need you, even if I don’t realize I need you until afterward. Sorry it’s just by beating you up and saying harsh things but I’m not the best at being positive with my outlets.”

Mikey inched closer to Raph until they were mere centimeters apart. “I like when you show how you feel. It lets me know that you’re still you and not a hollow shell.” Mikey smiled slightly.

Raph blushed at the proximity and held Mikey as close as he could when their lips crashed together. The force of the kiss took what breath they had and ended all too soon as they both gasped for air.

Mikey blushed greatly as he still held onto Raph tightly. “What...was that?” Raph looked down at Mikey with a small smile. “A positive way to release my emotions.”

“Do it again.” Raph didn’t need any further encouragement as he kissed Mikey again, gentler than before.

Mikey’s lips were sweet but also had a saltiness to them that made Raph churr, thus causing Mikey to blush even darker with his own churr. When the two pulled apart, they smiled and rested their foreheads together.

“I love you, Mikey. I always have and...and I don’t think you’re pathetic or freaky. You’re...amazing.” Mikey blushed and nuzzled Raph’s beak. “No. I’m your freak and I love you.”

Raph chuckled as steam surrounded them and enveloped their red faces filled with love and understanding.


End file.
